Things I’ll Do Differently With Baby Number Two

Going into postpartum again with softer expectations, more trust, and a very different understanding of what actually matters

Before becoming a mum for the first time, I thought I was prepared. I had done the research, bought the things, organised the nursery and spent countless hours trying to learn everything I possibly could before Bailey arrived.

And honestly? Some of that preparation really did help.

But becoming a mother for the first time is also one of those things you simply can’t fully prepare for until you’re actually living it. There were things that mattered so much less than I thought they would, things that completely caught me off guard, and other things that ended up becoming so important during those exhausting newborn months.

Now going into baby number two, I already know there are quite a few things I’ll do differently this time around. Not because I think I did anything “wrong” the first time, but simply because experience changes you. Motherhood changes you.

I think this time I’m going into postpartum a little softer. Less focused on perfection, less consumed by trying to “do everything right,” and more focused on creating a calm environment for both myself and our family.

There are things I’ll buy less of, things I’ll prepare for more intentionally, and things I now realise matter so much more than having the perfect setup or following every piece of advice online.

So these are the things I’d personally do differently with baby number two.

I’m preparing more for postpartum than for birth this time around. I still think birth prep is really important, but at the end of the day birth is a transition you move through, while postpartum is something you live in for weeks and months afterwards. I really want to go into this second postpartum experience slower and more intentionally. I want it to feel healing.

Nutritious food, freezer meal prep, healthy snacks, rest, sunlight, support and a calm environment at home are all things I’m prioritising so much more this time around. Less anxiety, less pressure, and more trust around things unfolding exactly as they’re meant to.

Second time around you obviously already have so many clothes and baby items, so I don’t think we’ll be buying very much at all. Simple feels better to me now. Less overwhelming, less clutter and really just relying on the things you genuinely use and need.

I’ll also go into this experience with a whole lot more trust. Not stressing over every little thing, whether that’s sleep, milk intake, output or wake windows. And knowing what I know now from our first experience, I also feel so much more prepared if we do face things like feeding challenges or oral ties again.

I think there’s sooo much peace in knowing that the sleep deprivation is temporary. I remember being deep in those newborn nights thinking: “This is my life now. I’m literally never going to sleep again.” And honestly, that mindset made the whole experience feel so much heavier at the time.

Asking for support and knowing it’s okay not to do it all is another huge one for me. I’m the type of person that really struggles asking for help or depending on others. I like feeling capable and independent and doing things by and for myself. But becoming a mother has also taught me that letting people help you is not weakness.

Trusting in the support system you’ve built - your village - matters so much. And honestly, building that support system isn’t always easy, especially when you don’t have family living nearby. Finding people who genuinely want to support and care for you during postpartum is such a blessing.

I’m also learning to trust my partner more and let go of the need for everything to be done exactly to my standard all the time. (Hello perfectionism, it’s me again.) Stressing over tiny things that genuinely don’t matter has no space in my second postpartum experience and I really want to let more of that go this time around.

Lastly, hormones hit hard for every woman postpartum, but as an ADHDer I know they can feel even more intensified. For neurodivergent women especially, postpartum can feel incredibly intense mentally, emotionally and physically, so focusing on nervous system regulation is honestly one of my biggest priorities going into this postpartum season.

The amount of pressure and stress I put on myself the first time around was honestly insane in hindsight, but when you’re in it you often don’t even realise how much tension you’re carrying. My awareness around that has changed so much now and I’m really committed to creating a postpartum experience that feels calm, slow, nourished, supported and loved.

I know postpartum can still feel overwhelming and challenging at times, even when you prepare well and focus on the things you can control. But I do think going into it more intentionally can make the entire experience feel lighter and hopefully a little more magical too.

I know it won’t be perfect, but I do think it will feel a whole lot softer this time around.

Love,
Charlie 🤍