Why Postpartum Feels So Overwhelming: Mental Load, Overstimulation & ADHD

It wasn’t just postpartum — my brain never switched off, and everything felt like too much, all the time.

In my last post, I shared that there were a few things that made my postpartum experience feel a lot heavier than it needed to be. And at the time, I didn’t see it. I just thought this is what postpartum feels like. That it’s supposed to feel overwhelming, intense, and like you’re constantly trying to keep your head above water.

But it wasn’t just postpartum. There were specific things that made it feel harder for me.

Let’s talk about the mental load. The never switching off.

I felt like I was constantly running on adrenaline. My brain just didn’t stop. And there was this one phrase people kept saying to me that honestly pissed me off so much — “sleep when the baby sleeps.” As if that’s the easiest thing in the world.

In reality, there was no way I could just nap throughout the day. My ADHD brain doesn’t switch off like that. Even when I was completely exhausted, I couldn’t just close my eyes and sleep. And then at night, every wake would leave me lying there for another one to two hours, wide awake, while my body was completely wrecked.

It honestly felt like torture at times.

The brain train just never stopped. I remember having really bad anxiety in the beginning, constantly checking if she was still breathing while she slept. My mind would just keep going… is she okay? is she hungry? does she need a nappy change? is she cold? There was always something.

And then there was the overstimulation. The constant touch, the feeding, the noise, being needed all the time. I don’t think I realised how much that would affect me.

I’m someone who needs space. I need moments where I can just be in my own body without being touched or needed, and suddenly that was gone. There was always a baby on me, needing something, wanting something, and even though that’s completely normal, it felt like a lot for my nervous system.

Sometimes it wasn’t even one big thing, it was everything stacked on top of each other. The lack of sleep, the constant touch, the mental load, the noise, the pressure I was putting on myself… it all just built up.

And I didn’t have the awareness at the time to separate it. I just felt overwhelmed.

The breastfeeding added another layer to all of it. Bailey was feeding all day and all night because of the tongue tie, and she wasn’t getting enough. Bottles helped a bit, especially overnight, but I really wanted to breastfeed, and I remember feeling like such a failure for not enjoying it.

The guilt around that was huge.

And then the oversupply… constant leaking, that sensation of milk running down your body, being touched all the time, a baby constantly on you. I’m going to be honest, I didn’t like it for a long time. It felt horrible in those early days.

I didn’t get that oxytocin rush everyone talks about. If anything, I felt the opposite — like please get off me, I just don’t want to be touched right now.

I didn’t mind her napping on me in the beginning, but even that started to feel like a lot over time. Every nap was on me or my husband for the first six months, and I started to feel constantly stuck.

And then the guilt again, because everyone says “it goes so fast” and “just soak it in.” But it’s not that simple. Especially with an ADHD brain.

For me, having a clean space is directly linked to having a clear mind. Getting things done makes me feel better, and not being able to do that day after day made me feel worse about myself.

Everything felt intense. All the time. I felt completely dysregulated most days.

Then there was also the whole thing around medication. Even just thinking about going on ADHD meds felt complicated.

On one hand, I knew how much they could help me. I’d already felt how overwhelmed and dysregulated I was most days, and part of me knew I needed support.

But then there was the breastfeeding. That constant back and forth in your head… is this safe? am I going to affect my baby in any way? The guilt around even considering it was huge.

I did end up trying short-acting Ritalin around three months postpartum, and it actually helped. But even then, it didn’t feel simple. I had to time it around feeds, making sure I took it when Bailey wasn’t feeding, constantly thinking about the impact, even if logically I knew it was okay.

And then there was everything around it that I just wasn’t prepared for. Something as simple as food became such a big thing. We didn’t have meals prepped, and I didn’t realise how overwhelming that would feel in those early weeks. My husband was going to the shops every other day just trying to keep us going, and even that felt like a lot.

There was no rhythm, no structure. Just trying to get through the day.

The physical side of it also played a bigger role than I expected. I was dealing with cramping and discomfort for over six weeks because of the retained placenta, and it just felt like my body couldn’t fully settle.

It was constantly there in the background, and it wore me down more than I realised at the time. When it finally passed, I remember feeling a sense of relief, like my body could actually start to come back to itself.

And resting… or trying to rest. I found it so hard to just stay in bed and recover. My mind wanted to do things, move around, feel somewhat productive again, but physically I wasn’t ready for that.

I definitely overdid it in those early weeks, and I think that set me back more than it helped.

When I think about it now, it actually makes sense why it felt the way it did. At the time, I just thought I wasn’t coping very well. Like I should be handling it better, or that something was off with me.

But it wasn’t that. It was everything happening at once, and me trying to push through it without really understanding what was going on underneath.

I didn’t give myself a lot of space in that period. I just kept going. Trying to keep up, trying to manage it, trying to do things the way I thought they should be done.

And I think that’s the biggest difference for me now. Not that postpartum won’t be hard again, but that I understand myself better going into it.

I can already see the things I’ll do differently. The things I won’t ignore this time.

I’ll share more about that in my next blog post.

Love, Charlie