The Emotional Side of Breastfeeding Nobody Talks About

From oral ties and oversupply to sensory overload, guilt and breastfeeding aversion during pregnancy, this is an honest reflection on the emotional side of our feeding journey.

Yes, there were challenges. The oral ties, the pumping, the endless questions around feeding and whether Bailey was getting enough milk. There were periods where feeding felt straightforward and periods where it felt incredibly complicated. But when I think back on that chapter of motherhood now, what stands out most isn't necessarily the practical side of breastfeeding.

It's how much of my emotional world became tied to it.

I don't think I realised how much space breastfeeding would occupy in my mind before becoming a mum. Not just the time spent feeding, but the time spent thinking about feeding. Wondering whether things were going well. Questioning whether I was doing enough. Planning my day around feeds, naps, pumping sessions and eventually bottles. Even when things were objectively going well, feeding somehow always seemed to be sitting somewhere in the back of my mind.

And maybe that's because breastfeeding becomes about so much more than simply feeding a baby.

Somewhere along the way, it became connected to my confidence as a mother. My expectations of myself. My relationship with my body. The pressure I put on myself to get things right. The moments where I felt incredibly proud of what my body was capable of and the moments where I felt completely overwhelmed by how much of myself I was giving.

I think that's the part of breastfeeding I was least prepared for.

Not the physical demands, but the emotional ones.

The amount of pressure I put on myself to make breastfeeding work is honestly insane when I look back on it now. I remember being committed to feeding my baby only breastmilk for at least the first six months because I'd done all the research and one thing was clear in my mind: I wanted the best for my baby. And I'm not saying that to shed a bad light on formula. Obviously there's a time and a place where formula is needed; it just wasn't my first choice. I wanted to set the best possible foundation for my baby's immune system and development.

That alone was sooo much pressure.

I was having the hardest time with my oversupply in those early weeks and yet constantly worrying whether Bailey's intake was enough. I kinda had a feeling that something wasn't right, but when you're going through the experience for the first time, you really don't know what breastfeeding is actually supposed to look like. So you're constantly questioning yourself rather than enjoying the journey. In hindsight, I could never have known about the oral ties. The conflicting advice around that topic makes it even harder on parents, especially first-time parents. Everyone seems to have a different opinion, and when you're already exhausted and emotional, that can make you doubt yourself even more.

I've noticed that breastfeeding impacts your confidence as a mother more than I'd like to admit. It's almost like your identity becomes tied to the whole thing. The amount of judgement mothers receive for choosing not to breastfeed is insane, and whether we like it or not, I think most of us are aware of it. I felt like such a failure for not enjoying breastfeeding for a very long time because it's supposed to be this beautiful bonding experience where women get the oxytocin high and love it wholeheartedly. Well, that never happened for me, and if I'm completely honest, I haven't heard many women talk openly about that either.

I felt very isolated in my experience. Not just because of the oral ties, but because I genuinely didn't enjoy breastfeeding for a long time and carried a lot of guilt around that. It took a good four months before I kinda started liking it and stopped feeling like saying "please get off me" every time she latched.

The mental load around feeding adds a whole other layer to it too. The planning, the tracking, wondering when the next feed will be, where you'll be, whether feeding will be easy there and constantly thinking about it. It becomes all-consuming. And for me, a big part of that was not knowing how much Bailey was actually taking in. When she started losing weight, I found it incredibly reassuring to offer expressed breastmilk in a bottle because at least then I knew she had taken a certain amount.

I'm still wondering whether this is partly an ADHD thing, but I really struggled with the sensory overload. The constant touch, the nipple sensation, the let-down, never really getting personal space. It was hard. At the same time, there were moments where I genuinely loved the connection and felt incredibly grateful for it. Moments where feeding felt peaceful and comforting and I couldn't imagine doing it any other way. For me, breastfeeding was often two completely contradictory emotions existing at the same time. Deep gratitude and deep overwhelm. Loving the connection while also desperately wanting some space. Feeling proud of what my body could do while also feeling completely exhausted by it.

Then let's talk about breastfeeding during pregnancy.

When I found out I was pregnant again six months postpartum, I was a little worried because it was around the point where breastfeeding had finally become less difficult and we'd found our rhythm. Nothing changed for the first eight weeks, if I remember right, and then all of a sudden I developed the worst breastfeeding aversion. I thought I didn't enjoy breastfeeding much in the beginning, but aversion is literally next level. The only way I can describe it is wanting to crawl out of your own skin.

It was brutal, and I was so unhappy during that time because it genuinely affected my mental health. I felt sad, guilty and frustrated all at once. I'll share more about that experience in a separate blog post because it deserves one of its own.

I eventually got through it by reducing direct breastfeeding and creating a pumping schedule that allowed me to meet Bailey's needs while building a freezer stash. But even pumping comes with its own challenges. Making sure pump parts are clean. Making sure they're packed. Being home in time. Pumping in the car. Planning your day around sessions. It's all consuming in a different way, and some days it felt like my entire life revolved around feeding one way or another.

If there's one thing I've learned from our breastfeeding journey, it's that feeding a baby is rarely just about feeding a baby.

For me, breastfeeding became tied to so much more than I ever expected. My confidence as a mother. My expectations of myself. The pressure I put on myself to get it right. The guilt I carried when I wasn't enjoying it and the pride I felt when we made it through another challenge.

Looking back now, I can see that I spent a lot of time focusing on what wasn't going well. The oral ties. The oversupply. The aversion. The sensory overload. But I don't think I gave myself enough credit for everything that was going right, or how much determination it actually took to keep showing up through all of it.

Because the truth is, breastfeeding can ask a lot of you. Not just physically, but mentally and emotionally too. Whether you're navigating supply issues, oral ties, pumping, combination feeding, aversion, or simply the constant demands of being needed around the clock, there are moments where continuing takes real perseverance.

And if you're reading this while sitting in the middle of your own feeding journey, wondering whether you're doing enough, I hope you know that you probably are. Maybe your experience looks completely different to mine. Maybe breastfeeding came easily to you, or maybe it has been one of the hardest parts of motherhood so far. Either way, I think we deserve to give ourselves a little more credit.

Because behind every feeding journey is a mother showing up day after day and doing the best she can with the information, support and capacity she has at the time.

And that's worth acknowledging.

In my next blog post, I'll be sharing my experience with breastfeeding aversion during pregnancy — something I had never even heard of until it happened to me, and one of the most challenging chapters of our entire feeding journey.

Love, Charlie