Things that surprised me most about the baby stage

An honest reflection on the parts of babyhood that surprised me most — the overstimulation, emotional intensity, exhaustion, fierce love and heartbreak of how quickly this season passes

Before becoming a mum, I thought the baby stage would mostly be about cuddles, naps and tiny outfits.

And yes, there’s definitely been some of that too.

But there were also so many things about this stage of motherhood that completely surprised me. Things nobody really explained properly beforehand, or things I simply couldn’t fully understand until I was actually living them myself.

I don’t think anything truly prepares you for how all-consuming caring for a baby can feel. How quickly your entire world starts revolving around tiny wake windows, feeding schedules, nap timings and trying to figure out what different cries mean. One minute you feel like you’re finally getting the hang of things, and the next everything changes again.

That’s probably one of the biggest surprises of the baby stage for me — how temporary everything is. The hard phases. The good phases. The sleep regressions. The clinginess. The routines that suddenly stop working just when you thought you’d figured them out.

Babies change constantly, and motherhood changes with them.

At times this stage has felt incredibly overwhelming, overstimulating and exhausting. But somehow at the exact same time, it has also been some of the most beautiful, grounding and emotionally intense moments of my life.

And looking back now, there are so many parts of the baby stage that surprised me in ways I never expected.

I feel like as a first-time mum you really have no idea what to expect. I thought I was prepared. I read the books, listened to the podcasts and tried to learn as much as I could beforehand, but little did I know how challenging this first year of babyhood really is.

As exciting as babies changing constantly can be, it also makes things a lot harder as a parent. The moment you feel like you finally understand your baby a little better, their needs shift again. The constant change really asks a level of non-attachment from you as a parent. Motherhood is a constant adaptation to new phases, routines and versions of your child.

Babies are soooo mentally consuming. Everything requires planning and thinking ahead. The wake windows, learning their cues and avoiding overtiredness at all costs because that in itself is a very specific kinda hell (every mum and dad will probably nod here). Depending on temperament it’s more or less intense, but either way your survival mode definitely has to kick in sometimes.

Babies also get cranky FAST. Making sure they’re fed on time, not overtired or overstimulated can genuinely feel like a full-time mental balancing act. And then on top of that there’s always the possibility of a poo explosion somewhere out in public, meaning you suddenly need backup clothes, nappies, wipes and a full outfit change ready to go at any given moment.

The emotional attachment completely surprised me too. I expected to feel attached during the newborn stage, but nobody talks enough about how that attachment continues to grow stronger over time. My daughter only slept on me or my husband for most naps during the first five months of her life. At the time it felt exhausting and overwhelming, but then once she actually learned to link sleep cycles and stopped sleeping on us, I found myself missing it and constantly looking back at photos.

That’s probably one of the strangest parts of motherhood to me. The way two completely opposite emotions can exist at the same time. On one hand you’re desperate for a break, more sleep and a little space to breathe. But then the second those phases pass, part of you already misses them.

My daughter just turned 11 months and I recently went down memory lane looking at old photos and started tearing up because I already miss her being that tiny. It’s such a strange feeling because while you’re in it, the days can feel so long, exhausting and overstimulating. But then suddenly you look back and realise how quickly it’s all disappearing.

I don’t think anyone fully prepares you for the heartbreak of how fleeting babyhood really is.

The protectiveness I feel over my baby is also something I never expected to experience this deeply. It’s honestly like a lioness instinct. She’s my whole world and I’ve never felt such fierce love and protectiveness over another human being before.

There’s also sooo much overstimulation in babyhood. Constant noise. Toys playing in the background. Babies discovering their voice box and randomly screaming for no reason whatsoever 😂. Constant touch. Constant interruption. Barely any alone time, sometimes not even enough space to properly gather your own thoughts.

Bailey also went through so many separation anxiety phases where she just needed to be held or be right next to me constantly. I call her a stage 5 clinger during those periods 😂 and while it definitely overwhelms me at times, I’m also trying to embrace it as much as I can because I know these phases won’t last forever either.

And then there’s the guilt. The constant questioning yourself as a parent.

Am I doing enough?
Is my baby getting enough love and attention?
Do I need to be more present?
Am I being selfish for needing space and alone time?
Am I the only one constantly overwhelmed?
How do other mums seem to handle this so well?
Why can’t I love every part of motherhood all the time?

The list honestly goes on and on.

But despite all of that, looking back at this first year, babyhood has also been one of the most magical experiences of my life. Watching your baby slowly become their own little person. The first laughs. The cuddles. Watching their personality come through more and more every month. Seeing them explore the world for the very first time.

Nothing can really prepare you for how deeply beautiful those moments feel.

The love, the joy, the exhaustion, the overwhelm and even the heartbreak of watching them grow all somehow exist together.

And I think that’s why the baby stage feels so intense in every direction all at once. It stretches you to your absolute limits while also filling your heart in ways you didn’t even know were possible.

One minute you’re desperately wishing for more sleep, and the next you’re crying over old photos because your baby suddenly looks so much bigger than they did a few months ago.

It’s messy, exhausting, overstimulating and beautiful all at the same time.

And I think that’s what surprised me most about the baby stage in the end. Not just how hard it can be, but how deeply it changes you. How much love can exist alongside exhaustion. How quickly someone so tiny can become your entire world.

Maybe that’s the thing nobody can fully prepare you for beforehand. You don’t just watch your baby grow — you grow alongside them too.

And even though some days feel incredibly long while you’re in them, I already know this season of motherhood will probably become one of the parts of life I miss the most one day.

Even the parts that completely exhausted me.